


Slipping Away

by cubedcoffeecake



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Based on an included poem, Gen, Loki introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 02:32:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7489824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cubedcoffeecake/pseuds/cubedcoffeecake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm slipping away but nobody cares.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Slipping Away

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Bleeding Myself Cold](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/213402) by Marvelite5Ever. 



He had been refused love—a father's love, the love of the people, the love of his _brother_ —for the entirety of his memory. Loki had begun to lose himself trying to make them love him. His eyes, once bright with mischief, were now dull from having hidden the rejection—the pain—for so many centuries.

Every word felt like a knife to him now. His heart had been worn raw by the prejudice. Some particularly unpleasant nights, he believed he could almost feel his heart bleeding.

There was no room for him in the spotlight. Thor, Sif, Fandral, Volstagg, Hogun—the spotlight was filled with Asgard's great warriors. The only place left for a liesmith was the shadows. So, he learned to live in them.

And then he had learned that he truly was a monster. The monster in the dark. The one that he himself had had nightmares about for so many years.

He couldn't survive in the shadows anymore. Couldn't anyone _see_? He was slipping away, but it seemed as if no one even noticed. As if no one cared.

It felt as if he had fallen for lifetimes. Tens of thousands of years. Eventually, his eyes began to adjust to the constant darkness, and he began to see once more. But that was not all he began to see. He looked inside himself and came to a realization.

He didn't need their love.

This was his farewell. The Bifrost, Laufey's death, it all his way of saying goodbye. But that would not be the last they saw of him. It was not the end.

When he left, when he fell into the endless Void, had they mourned for him? Were tears shed for the unworthy prince? He had not mattered to Asgard, to his "family", at all until he was gone.

Now, he understood. He would never be able to shine as brightly as Thor. Thor would always be the better. The _hero_. But now, now he knew what he could do.

Too long had he spent hiding from himself. He was a monster—couldn't they see? He had never been Thor's brother. Never a prince, never a son.

How would his not-brother dare to help him now? To take his hand? Knowing the atrocities he had committed, the treason he was guilty of, the things he had done. How would Thor dare?

He embraced the darkness deep inside. That part of him he had hidden for so long. It was just what he had been looking for.

Even as he fell from the Void to the dead waste of a barren moon, he was having so much _fun_.

Thor could come and try to stop him, but he'd already won. He was more devious than they knew. He had a thousand tricks up his sleeve.

Loki let go, and it set him free.

 

**Author's Note:**

> See what I've become  
> broken and denied of love  
> dull eyes from trying to hide the pain  
> I think I might be going insane  
> discovered I'm the monster from my own nightmares  
> I'm slipping away but nobody cares  
> so vulnerable with my heart rubbed raw and bleeding  
> living in the shadows  
> but my eyes have adjusted to the darkness  
> I looked inside and realized  
> that I don't need your love  
> so this is goodbye  
> brother  
> but this is not the end  
> you'll be seeing me again  
> when I let go, did you cry?  
> I never mattered before you thought I'd died  
> I realized I could never be as good as you  
> but now I know what I can do  
> I've embraced my darkest side  
> I spent too long trying to hide  
> from myself but it never lasts  
> there's too many traumas in my past  
> I'm a monster  
> don't you understand?  
> I'm not your brother  
> I never was  
> don't you dare try and take my hand  
> you know the things I've done  
> I've found what I was looking for  
> now I'm having so much fun  
> come try and stop me  
> and I've already won  
> I let go and it set me free  
> I'm so much slier than you believe  
> got a thousand tricks up my sleeve  
> -Slipping Away, by Marvelite5Ever
> 
> Thank you for reading! God bless!


End file.
